Tranivestia

did not understand myself at the time. I only knew that I was Gisele and also Tobi, but how or why, I did not know. Did I ever work hard to earn all the three dollars that followed. I used to get up at five in the morning to take contracts to shovel snow off peoples' steps and driveways. Some contracts were 75¢ a month, and others were $1.25 and in those days it seemed to me like snow was coming down in tons. It was a lot of work besides my school, and all my repair jobs around the house, but it was worth it. I had found someone who understood me, and that was sufficient. After a while, we became friends and I could go and howl on her shoulder for free... Paulette has remained my friend through all those years. She often kids me about my first visit but she has needed my shoulder to cry on at times and I was there. am the strong moral support that she used to be.

Now I

It was inevitable that I became considered as a "Butch". Then I was at Art school at night and I met a group of homosexuals among the artists, and they found me plenty of girls. I felt an attraction towards their clothes, and I always picked the extra feminine dolls. Now I said at the beginning that I would tell the truth, and this part of the truth I am really ashamed of to-day. I took advantage of those girls, grabbed all I could out of them and gave very little in return. I know now that it was unfair and dishonest and I felt like a male prosti- tute. One was paying my night school, the other one was working over time to pay for the cashmere sweaters that I loved so much. I always insisted on expensive cigars and imported brandy, and I got them. And I treated them like dirt in return. I am ashamed about that part of my life, because basically I wanted to be honest. But Hell!! How could I be honest with myself when I did not even know my real self?

I knew that I was also Gisele, that I wanted to ad- just to a decent life and more than anything else in the world I wanted a husband and a daughter. I did not feel attracted towards the so-called "normal" guy, but I knew that somehow there had to be signs of feminine clothing there, I wanted to feel the soft textures to see the beau- tiful pastel shades of nighties, the silk slippers and lacy panties....those things I loved but the only trouble was that I loved them on a man. So I married a homesexual.

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